Kay's Korner

For this Pringle, once he pops, he can't stop

This story has so many WTFs it's hard to even throw a quick blog together. Stanley Pringle has quite the lotion sales pitch.

Here are some snippets. You read the rest. (Daily Collegian Online)

Responding to recent charges leveled against him, Nittany Lion basketball player Stanley Pringle told police he was touching his penis but was not masturbating in the Pattee Library stacks last Thursday.

Pringle told police he has "a bad habit of putting his hand down his pants," and demonstrated for the officer by placing his hand down the front of his sweatpants, according to the complaint.

"Why would I need to masturbate?" he told police. "This is how I chill, ma'am."

There are other classic lines involving "lotion, heavy breathing, scared and smacking" that must be read. I know getting all laugh-happy over somebody releasing some Lions love in the library is a bit sophomoric, but well, nobody said we were classy here.

Alpha Blog: How the 'stache was won ... or lost

Tom Selleck. Burt Reynolds. As you can see, mustaches ruled the Wild West. David Crosby. Gung Ho. Rollie Fingers. Ned Flanders. President Skroob. Sal Fasano.

And now Buzz Fagan.

Who's Buzz Fagan? Legendary CBSSports.com newsroom editor Buzz Fagan is the latest American hero to sport the mustache. That's what happens when you make a bracket bet with me. I take that back. That's when you somehow fill out a worse bracket than me.

I had Georgetown winning it all, vs. UCLA in the final. I also had Texas in my Final Four. And UNC. I'm not s-m-r-t. I mean s-m-a-r-t.

As for Buzz, well, this is what happens when you fill out your bracket in "10 minutes tops." His Final Four was UNC (nice pick), Texas (OK, I did that oopsy too), USC (LOL) and UConn (ROFL). Luckily my D.C. bias wasn't as harmful as his New England bias.

So we deemed the month-long tourney Mustache Madness and the loser had to sport the 'stache for a week. Harnessing the awesome power of apples, I grew a manly beard in preparation for losing (I did have Georgetown after all).

Try not to get distracted by my beard while marveling at his 'stache. (My "biological" father was either Robin Williams or a Chia Pet. C'mon mom, make with the truth.)

But if not for Kansas' win over UNC, I was Mr. Mustache for this week. And I was getting ready. I did all my usual errands -- from grocery shopping to Oriental massages -- in preparation of going from work to home from home to work with as little human interaction as possible. No mas for me. I can do normal things -- except shave. As you can tell my beard is uber-manly, and it's taking over my life.

It's so long, small creatures are nesting in it.
It's so face covering, I don't need sunblock. (face covering, yeah, that can't be a real term)
It's so manly, Stetson is asking me to pose for ads.
It's so greasy, I'm a hockey player.
And as assistant managing editor, staff writer and Power Ranker Lyle Crouse says, "with great beard, comes great responsibility."
However, George Maselli, says it's "serviceable," as in Matt Chico "serviceable." Phooey.
Plus, I really stand out in the office -- in that HR wants to talk to you sort of way. Never! And lay off my stapler.

I do plan on

Eric Kay

For this Pringle, once he pops, he can't stop

Alpha Blog: How the 'stache was won ... or lost