Eric Kay

The boys and gals at Forbes have developed the recipe to unearth sports' most miserable cities.

Despite the efforts of Isiah Thomas, Donald Sterling, Dan Snyder and Al Davis, New York, L.A., D.C. nor Oakland crack the list respectively.

It's mostly a list of cities where teams get close to titles, but tend to go home sans cigar. It also factors in if you're team packed up and left, so we can expect Seattle to get a nice little boost thanks to Clay BobaBennett.

So the worst city in all of sports is ... Atlanta, which explains all the strip clubs. Well, not really.

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On to the best four blogs around!  

Last season's hottest team, Colorado is 5-7. Jeff Francis is 0-3. Things aren't so hot in LoDe, as Everything 101 explains. 

The Marlins kicked my Nats in the 'nads before running into the rising Astros. Florida Marlins documents the team this season as no other fan can. Actually it's because there are no other fans to do it.

Who doesn't like Gabe Kapler? Out of baseball last season (he was coaching Red Sox single-A ball), the outfielder is flat-out smashing the baseball. GoPack's Yak pays tribue.

Ryan Dempster is pitching lights out. Giovanni Soto is mashing and Derrek Lee isn't doing the whole slow-start thing. Will all three of those elements continue on the NORTH Side? Probably not the first two, but I won't say that to It's Gonna Happen in 2008's face.

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Klick of the Day        

Want to know more about legendary Jewish (hey, we only have so many) outfielder Gabe Kapler? Check out this New York Times profile.

If one video of a guy getting his head styled in Mohawk fashion is indicative of who that person is, and one video always is, Mike Green needs to work on his Hollywood.

He also needs to tell his stylist that his Mohawk isn't that intimidating.

As someone more prone to wild sways in facial hair than head hair, I'm no expert, but I'd imagine the trick to a good Mohawk is shaving the sides down with more than a No. 2. They must be bic'd.

Nonetheless, Capitals defenseman Mike Green is sporting the Mohawk for what he calls the "tradition" factor (he did it in the AHL playoffs a few years back).

But hockey players wear a helmet. Just like football players. And baseball players. So what the heck is up with the Mohawk nobody ever sees? The Flames are all sporting them this playoffs. Chad Johnson had one. David Beckham. Mr. T had one 30 years ago. Magua. The list goes on and on.

Which leads us to say, enough Mohawk. We need something new for our athletes. And as an authority on facial hair, I think I have the answer -- despite pleas after last week's South Park for the Mr. Escalante comb over.

It's the neck beard. Clean face, normal hair, [sunglasses], full-fledged beard on the neck. This website explains it nicely.

After all, in all sports you always see the neck. Well, except fencing. And if I'm an opposing player and all I see is scruffy darkness protruding from underneath a helmet, I'm thinking the guy is a little off kilter.

In reality though, it's a matter of facial safety. The neck is the most sensitive part of the shaving experience. So why not keep it protected with follicle fluffiness?

I say good day to the Mohawk and hello, neck beard. And if you're a real man, you let the neck beard grow all the way around your head. Let those back of the neck hairs flourish and get total neck coverage. Sure, you may look like you're always wearing a turtleneck, or a dog with one of those lampshades on its head, but you'll be the biggest freak on the ice/field. And isn't that what this is about?

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On to the best four blogs ... around      

What do Danny Granger, Michael Finley, LaMarcus Aldridge, Rajon Rando and Beno Udrih have in common? EY's blog has the answer.

Bob Dylan wrote a song about a Hurricane. The Scorpions wrote a song about Hurricanes. And now the Bong Zone writes a blog about the best-ever college football team and guess which one it is. It rhymes with Murricanes. 

The Angels aren't hitting in a timely manner, which leaves Halo Heaven feeling a little Angel angst. But the blog reminds us pitching wins, and California Angels should have that when it's all said and done.

On the other Coast, and other side of the standings are the Orioles. And that makes dook's buzz! really, really, really happy.

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Klick of the Day      

What's in an athlete's entourage (Team Dime. Team Melo. Team America [Bode Miller])? The Wall Street Journal's Hannah Karp explains. And did you know Ron Artest knows how to use Quicken? Great, one more thing -- playing basketball, producing records, starting brawls, and now doing his taxes -- that he's better than me at.

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My porn 'stache

 

I'm the George Washington of facial hair, I can not tell a lie. So while you may remember Buzz Fagan's legendary 'stache for losing the March Mustachness wager, here is the sympathy 'stache I carved out to console him last Friday.

Yes, that is a Schlitz trucker cap I'm wearing and yes, there is some 'stache run-off on the right side there (if you're looking at me). But shaving a beard that was six weeks deep isn't an easy task, nor is carving out the 'stache. So I plead with you, have sympathy for those with great mustaches, because with great 'stache comes great responsibility -- and a steady razor hand.

Don't look now, but Oklahoma is the, excuse my use of the most overused alliteration in sports, the Evil Empire of the Union.
 
I'm a casual Star Wars fan at best, so my metaphor may be off, but hopefully you can help complete the idea.
 
Led by T. Boone Palpatine, the Oklahoma State Cowboys did everything they could to recruit young Jedi Bill Selfwalker to the Dark Side. We'll call AD Mike Holder his Vader, which could be the nicest thing said of the man in a long time.
 
"We're building one helluva a Death Star facility in Stillwater, my boy, come and join our side. I mean, really, it has everything -- state-of-the-art training facilities, Tatooine blue grass practice fields, (mumbling) death chambers."
 
"What was the last one, T. Boone Palpatine?"
 
"Oh nothing, come, let's shoot some 'droids. I mean, hoops."
 
Then you have the duplicitous Clay Boba-Bennett. He's enlisted by Oklahoma City to bring the Han Sonics at any cost necessary -- even using the e-mail force to deceive Yogurt Stern. I think I just crossed my Schwartzes on that one.
 
Oklahoma City had been down this road before when it tried to take over the Alderaan Hornets, but thanks to the efforts of CP3-PG and Princess Stojakovic their effort was thwarted.
 
Somebody out there must stop Oklahoma tyranny before it's too late -- before we get into prequels, and StoopsStoopsBinks.
 
BTW: You'd think Stern would have known something was fishy when he got e-mails about purchasing the Sonics from a guy with the account: ClayHeartsOKC@gmail.com

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Max "S.S. &M" Mosley update

Turns out he's not a sexual deviant, just weird, says our friends at Slate.com.

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On the best four blogs ... around!

I don't know how -- or why -- one projects the fourth round of the NFL Draft. But that's not stopping Famous words from an Eagle's fan. from trying.

When you're looking at a platoon of David Delluci and Jason Michaels in Cleveland, it's easy to start calling for Ben Francisco. The Penalty Box explains.

The Minnesota Wild can't crack the Avs. I'll mouth off. You peons will listen. says Kim Johnsson can't crack a check if his Quark depended on

Picking a winner for a NASCAR race is like picking a winner in non-Tiger golf tourneys. I know certain people do well on certain tracks/courses, but how the hell can you know who will prevail in something that's over such a long period and has so many variables to deal with? Pick 3 fantasy league gives it the ol' college try -- Jimmie Johnson style.

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Klick of the Day (each Friday it will be devoted to a movie review)          

"Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks." -- Rodge Ebert on Deuce Bigelow 2